From an End Comes a New Beginning
Last year I turned forty. I don't feel any different than I did when I was twelve. Aging is so weird. It wasn't until near the end of 2022 that I was swept by abrupt moments of reflection.
Last year I turned forty. I don't feel any different than I did when I was twelve. Aging is so weird. It wasn't until near the end of 2022 that I was swept by abrupt moments of reflection.
The Reflection Stigma
Reflection was once considered a disease earlier in our human history. Nostalgic soldiers were confined to mental institutions while the popular Western Society of the time condemned and pitied them.
Swiss physician Johannes Hofer coined the term in his 1688 medical dissertation, from the Greek nostos, or homecoming, and algos, or pain. The disease was similar to paranoia, except the sufferer was manic with longing, not perceived persecution, and similar to melancholy, except specific to an object or place. (Source: When Nostalgia Was a Disease - The Atlantic)
Nowadays, we often encourage reflection to help us reconnect emotional black holes in our personal lives. We sit through therapy sessions to better assess ourselves to deal with our present and potential future contemplation of life.
What Have I Learned at 40?
At forty, I haven't learned a thing yet; I have a wealth of knowledge and experience. I have a need to be humble.
Being humble was something ingrained in me from an early age. My father often reminded me that I was no better than anyone else and vice versa.
I am burdened by insecurity and imposter syndrome. But when I operate from the heart, the reception is often positive.
Being authentic is more important than not. This doesn't mean being an outright asshole. But be true to yourself and to others. Be willing to speak up for what you feel is right and what you know is wrong.
This above all:
To thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- Hamlet, Shakespeare
Politics of Disillusionment
I and many others like myself were challenged during the Trump years. Challenged by an emerging movement that forsakes empathy and altruism for greed, hate, and willful ignorance.
Being uncomfortable was suddenly a crime. And we all need to address being uncomfortable to explore why we are that way. Otherwise, how can we grow as human beings? How can we grow as a society?
What was for many a hypothetical experience became real. Some of us were silent. Others raged on social media. And some of us rose to these challenges.
I have emerged forever changed from that experience.
Backing up words with action came to my doorstep. I fought it every step of the way. And will always have to live with that. But I have learned from the experience and will strive to improve.
Other examples of authenticity are not as dramatic but just as profound.
Over Preparing
Whenever I went on dates while single, I felt the need to brag and or try to impress. Also, being nervous and overthinking what to say or what not to say. I ended up reading many articles on how to act during a date.
The result of all my research was a minor success while at the same time acting off a pre-written script. Whenever things steered from the script, I was lost. It wasn't in the middle of a date I realized this beautiful and intelligent woman was just as nervous as me.
Once I relaxed and began being authentic, everything on that date went so smoothly. So smoothly, we went on many dates after that. And the same woman I ended up going on so many dates with is now my wife.
"Authenticity is about being true to who you are, even when everyone around you wants you to be someone else." - Michael Jordan.
Be an Authentic Manager
Management requires a level of power and responsibility many need to be capable of accomplishing. I have worked under many so-called leaders or managers. I have seen how to not act when managing others.
I have also learned how important transparency is. Transparency is a form of authenticity. Being transparent with my coworkers. Being transparent with my clients. Recognizing my faults and being honest about them with all parties. This is an essential first step to gaining trust and building a healthy relationship with the many folks we encounter as managers.
"I can be a better me than anyone can." - Diana Ross.
Be Authentic with your Manager
I do not know if the term "manage-up" is something people still use, but it's also, in a way, a system of authenticity. We need the freedom to be transparent with our superiors. If we can't, then we need to move on. If we have open managers who hesitate, we must reflect on that. Even if the conversation begins: "I'm having trouble being transparent on how I feel about things with you..."
"Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it." - Bruce Lee.
Conclusion
The authentic folk is someone who wakes up daily being true to themself. Make no apology but be humble. Always try to be open to criticism and be the first to admit when you are in the wrong. Be honest with it, and you will gain trust in others and in