I Stopped Writing because I was Trying to be Perfect

I stopped writing for a long time because I focused on perfection instead of filling an empty page with content. I filled it with my frustration.

I had already written a novel. So far, this is my first and only book. Every time I tried to write something else, I would get stuck. I stopped because of my pretension and ego. I made rules I thought I should follow before I could confidently write.

I knew I was fooling myself. I knew this was slowing me down. But the obsession with perfection took over me. Everything had to be as perfect as Frank McCourt’s first novel. Everything had to be jewels, or it wouldn’t be good enough.

First Sentence

My first mistake was obsessing over the first sentence. One thing I was most proud of in my first novel, Living on Empty, was my book's first sentence and paragraph. I wanted to repeat that because it was essential to grab my readers with the first sentence. I still believe this is important.

I hammered out page after page on subtle variations of the exact words. Writing subtle differences in the same paragraph. Overthinking it. Dreaming about it. I woke in cold sweat, wondering if it would ever be as perfect as I wanted. Was I wasting my time? Should I admit I am a hack? I was getting nowhere fast.

Before I knew it, I was tired. I was tired from doing this and hadn’t written anything substantial other than rewrites of three or four sentences.

Talking About Writing

I have a superstition connected with talking about writing. There is nothing wrong with discussing one’s writing. But talking too much about what one is writing or what one is going to write somehow reduces one’s likelihood of actually writing.

I spent a good number of my days talking about what I was going to write. Or talking about what I was trying to write. Sometimes to impress people and sometimes because I enjoyed talking about it. And then I would talk myself out of writing.

My inspiration from conversations left me when I sat down to write. I now realize it is preferable to focus on the writing and not spend so much time discussing it. It is better to talk about it after you have finished something. Like a first draft, for example.

Just Write

The best advice is to write. Some writers may not agree with my recommendation. Typing through your bullshit is the only way you get through the pain of writing. Writing is not as romantic or as dreamy as a number of us think.

Not all writers are sitting in coffee shops writing a great novel while wearing a turtleneck and sipping an espresso. The most productive writers are never seen. They write wherever and whenever they find the free time to write.

Writing is solitary and lonely. No one sees your writing. A reader only sees the final result. And that is all we should care about—the result.

For myself, I have found writing early in the morning before work when it’s still dark outside. Everything is quiet. My wife is asleep. I play music at a low volume while sipping my morning coffee. Here is where I am always writing. Here is where I am most productive. Here is where I don’t listen to any criticism. I write.

I don’t write at any other time of the day. Most of the time.

Perfection Comes Later

Writing, unfortunately, is the easiest part of the whole process. Going through, re-writing, and editing takes as much time as filling a space with words. So, there is no point in fretting about being perfect initially. Especially if you have nothing to edit, nothing to perfect. Perfection comes later. It comes at the end of all the writing work, sometimes after an hour of writing endless shit.

From a pile of worthless shit, a dedicated writer should be able to mold gold. So keep writing shit.